The gift of Kidd

I used to loath all the dog hair I had to clean each day. These past two days though I've been searching for it. The smell of my old dog was unbearable to say the least and now I pick up his bed just to remember his smell. I miss Kidd so much. He passed away this past Sunday. Oddly enough though it is the gift my husband gave that has lingered more than any hair or smell.

In the last six months, Kidd's health had been declining. He'd been having frequent seizures and taking medication daily. This past Sunday, the seizures returned and it became clear to Jamie and I that he should not have to suffer like that anymore. Sparing the details, Jamie took Kidd to the emergency vet. Shortly after he'd left, I got a phone call from him, his voice clearly shaken on the other end telling me I needed to put the kids in the car and come to the hospital to say good-bye. Extremely uncomfortable and a bit reluctant, I listened knowing Jamie needed me. I walked inside and saw Kidd. I went to him crying, petting and kissing him softly. He was so beautiful, so soft, so still, so quiet, so right there with us. His presence was strong and gentle. He was okay. He was free from pain, from being afraid, from being old. It was like he was young again. All of our memories flooded me while I cried out loud. I knew exactly why Jamie called me. He knew I needed to see Kidd this way. He knew we needed to be together. The three of us. The same way we celebrated his young life, we were able to celebrate his later life. I cant explain the peace I felt knowing he was free. I didn't know it at that moment, but I now know he will always be with me. I still see him. I see his face propped up on our (his) leather chair, sleeping soundly. I hear him walking in the hallway. Each time I open the back door I'm reminded of the loop he would take around the picnic table. When I walk in the front door I see him lift his head. When the kids are playing outside, I see him laying close by. Every one of my thoughts involves Kidd. I didn't realize the presence he held in our everyday lives. Jamie and I have cared for him for 15 years. I know time will win. I know the sounds and sights will fade. I hate it, but I know its inevitable. I do know though that Kidd was one of a kind. Our first dog. And I loved him deeply. Good-bye Kiddo.

The Here and Now

Seems like forever since I've sat down to post. Busy, busy here on the home front. Like most I know. Homeschooling gets better each week. We are fully flowing and adding in each kid the more routine we settle into. Little George now attends preschool Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, and then "does" homeschool Tuesdays and Thursdays. Riley schools everyday. Even though she is not required to be with us, she always chooses to "do her homework." It is precious. She is super eager to know how to read. She wants to know what each word says, and if Im busy with Joshua, she just makes up the words. Usually it's just a combination of all the phrases she knows with a few nonsense words in between. "Jesus says do not be afraid, and then I do a kick with my dancing shoes." It's cute. Joshua is such a blessing to teach. I'm so excited about choosing curriculum for the summer and next school year. I've got a solid feel for what he is capable of and so choosing topics and subjects to focus on is so exciting. Since the seasons have changed, we've been doing lots of outside school, pool school, and most recently, travel school. Knowing all of our children are ocean obsessed, Jamie took us all to Atlanta to visit the Aquarium. It is the largest in the world. That I didn't know. So we spent 4 days in the middle of the city learning all about Atlanta's history, watching and talking about so many different ocean animals we had not seen, walking everywhere, playing in the Centennial Park, swimming late at night, sleeping in the same beds...and the list goes on. This trip was so much fun for our family. Pictures coming soon. We've been enjoying basketball camps, beach days, steaks on the grill, books on tape, and watching our plants grow. We are most eager for the water to warm so we can pile our surf boards into the van to catch some waves. Yay, it's here.

More about the same

I am so encouraged today. Mainly because I managed to get a workout in early this morning, which just made the whole day wonderful. But also because I've been reflecting about this whole concept of traditional learning, and realizing that we are achieving it, just in a different sort of way. I must admit that I feel guilty about and therefore avoid going to the gym or scheduling a playdate in the early mornings. I'm always thinking that I should be at home in the classroom "teaching" the kids. And actually, I should be. But is there anything wrong with school starting at 11am instead of 9am? Or concepts being taught at 2 and 3pm rather than before lunch? I'm really having to reflect on, think about and wrap my head around the fact that school, for now is going to look way different for my children than it did for me. It doesn't start at 8am and end at 3. It's at anytime. It feels spontaneous and meaningful. Basic and full of purpose. I guess our school is traditional learning in a non-traditional setting. That concept seems so obvious. However, my traditional brain has a hard time seeing this new individual method. It was fun today. Just a really full day. I liked being unconventional.

Finding flow

At least for now, we have found a home schooling flow that is working wonderful for our family. There are days when I'm tempted to try and squeeze in extra learning here and there, but I FORCE myself not to knowing that I've covered our objectives for the day in small blocks of time. Here is how we are rolling each day.....I love it. Just for the teacher in me, I'm gonna write it out in blocks of time. This is how I organize it in my head anyway. Mommy's of young children always break down the days with blocks of time. (Morning time, play time, snack time, lunch time, nap time, witching hour time, dinner time, bath time, bed time) Okay... this is a typical MWF schedule. Tuesdays and Thursdays, Georgy doesn't have preschool, we go to CC on Tuesdays, and our art teacher comes on Thursdays so school looks much different on those days. We may use those days as our Nature Study days and/or catch up days.

6:45 or 7:00- George is our alarm clock! Joshy is usually not too far behind as his brother is loudly whispering his name to get up. Riley gets up closer to 8. Jamie does wake up time and breakfast (glorious I know). I wake @ 7:30 shower and relieve Jamie.

7-8:45am- Play time, teeth time, dress time, take Georgy to preschool time. (MWF)

9:30 or so-11:30- School time. We almost always start with calendar, reading, spelling, language,writing and if time permits, math.

11:45- Pick up George

12-3:00- Lunch, Play, Bible Story and music, Color, Potty, Nap. MWF George usually will not nap because he and Josh have missed playing and doing school together all morning. They catch-up during this break. It's nice for me also because I can take advantage of household chores, dinner prep, computer time, or closing my eyes time. TTh- George and Riley both nap and Joshy and I will read aloud, paint, catch up on unfinished school lessons or introduce a new math lesson, bake, play computer...something "special."

3-5:00- Gym, Play dates, Free time and finish dinner.

5-6:30 or so- Family time, dinner, bath

6:30-7:30- History Lesson with narration page. This has been a surprisingly wonderful block of time for us to do school. Everyone seems to want to participate and all enjoy coloring and reading after dinner. It's great for both Jamie and I to do school. Sometimes we skip history and do homework or just play, but it's a natural flow for all of us to come together at this time. It's become something I really enjoy. It helps that I love our history book "Story of the World."

7:30-8:00- Teeth, Jammies, Story, Prayers and bedtime.

I knew when our family started homeschooling that the flexibility in our schedule would be a huge bonus. We still try and have consistent time blocks for predictability and overall sanity, but I've settled into this flow for now and it feels really good.

Amen

This evening has felt different for me. Tonight I'm not scrambling around trying to get all the toys back in their places, the toilets scrubbed, floors mopped and vacuumed, the clothes put away, snacks planned, our babysitters accounted for, emails sent and chapters read. Nope. Tonight I'm doing our normal routine, (well not too normal. I'm blogging...) and it's great, but so sad. I've decided not to do mommy group anymore. Jamie and my parents can't understand why I am sad. And rightfully so. If you haven't sat in my mommy group, you wouldn't, couldn't understand how necessary it is, and how sad I am to not be a part of it (formally) anymore. It has been my ministry for four years. It's how I've done church...only at home. It's coming together with my sisters talking of our walks with God, our trials, our praises, our struggles, our joys, our sadness, our children, our husbands, our kitchens, our clothes, our bodily functions after multiple babies, our sex lives after multiple babies, our hair, how we pray, how we need to pray more, our friendships....EVERYTHING! I could describe in length how I came to this decision, but it comes down to obedience. I felt my heart being pulled in a direction that I am not comfortable with, but that I welcome because it's been brewing for months now. I have felt a pull to keep my children at home, to embrace other women who also shared this desire, and to follow what I felt like God was asking me to do. Really follow it, even though I didn't want to. So for me that has meant stepping out of one ministry to enter another. And when I started feeling really sad this evening about not seeing my sisters tomorrow to do church in my living room, I was remembering reading "A New Beginning" from the Jesus Story Book Bible to my three children, discussing Noah's trust in the Lord and how that applied to us, and then singing at the top of our lungs "The Lord told Noah to build Him an arky, arky, Lord told Noah to build Him an arky, arky build it out of gopher's barky, barky children of the Lord", I knew I was still doing church in my living room, my audience was just way cuter and a lot noisier. Amen.

A Set of New Steps

I'm crammed in a small corner of my room, surrounded by bins, books, folders, blocks, kits and boxes typing away at my first blog regarding my homeschooling endeavor. My experience so far has been filled with many shifting emotions. Two weeks ago I was eager. Today, I'm terrified. This is Joshua's last week of public school before Christmas break, but also before I start homeschooling. This reality has my stomach in knots. Doubt is plaguing me this afternoon and I want it gone. Jamie thinks I'll feel much better when Friday finally arrives. I hope he is right. After all, before this week, I was taking my next steps. Now, a new next step is here and I'm a bit shaken'. For the past two months I have dilegently researched curriculum, sought out encouragement, met and talked with a slew of homeschooling mommies, joined a support group, prayed non-stop, talked with Jamie, talked with Josh. I've taken so many forward steps to get myself to this place, and now my excitement seems replaced with fear. In my head and heart I know this is normal and temporary, but it stinks nonetheless. Walking in faith, for me, has been rewarding and inspiring, but also scary and uncertain. Jamie reminds me that I have never fared well with change. I can't even take a road trip to see family without feeling antsy and nervous. I've wrestled with letting go (control) for a good part of my life. It seems fitting that "let go" was my one word for the year, and as this year comes to an end, I'm determined more than ever to let go of my will and follow His. The tiny seed of homeschooling was planted in me years ago and although nervous, I'm excited to watch it grow.

Growing up fast

I can't express in words how much I am thoroughly enjoying watching my middle and little children grow up. For the last 6 years I have spent my life either pregnant or nursing. I'm in a new season now. Watching more. Smiling bigger. Giggling a bunch. Reflecting. Yearning at times for another precious babe. Content however with the three I have. Wishing I could stop time, but enjoying the freedoms, twists and joys of each new season.
George has started preschool this year and the experience has changed him. It's given him a new confidence . An "I'm important" confidence. He wears his book bag proudly, fiddles through his take home papers as if they were "bills," talking to himself about each one. Demands that he wear socks, because after all, that is what grownups do. Or so he tells me. I think he had started contemplating coming out from under Joshys wing, but is only now discovering how to do that. I LOVE watching it. And so because George has started preschool 3 mornings a week, that leaves just me and Riley. I love her in a new way now. She is my sidekick. She talks constantly, practicing all of the new words she's learned in correct context. "Oh dear mommy, what is that?" or my favorite "Goodnight, I love you too mommy." The most frequent question "Where Dosh, Dorge and Daddy go?" She likes to do everything and anything that I do. What a gift and yet a huge responsibility that I've not experienced with the others. My mommy stuff was and is that to the boys..mommy stuff. Now with Ri, she listens more to how I talk with friends or watches how I interact with Jamie and non-stop asks questions about what I'm doing. It's great. Everyone is growing up so fast. I'm getting glimpses of the thousands of times I've heard enjoy them, it goes by quickly. Man, it does. I'm reminded to slow down and not take these fast paced moments for granted.

Here are a few recent pics of Georgy starting preschool and Riley down at the water. Words cant express how much I adore these two. Pictures capture why I do.