A Set of New Steps

I'm crammed in a small corner of my room, surrounded by bins, books, folders, blocks, kits and boxes typing away at my first blog regarding my homeschooling endeavor. My experience so far has been filled with many shifting emotions. Two weeks ago I was eager. Today, I'm terrified. This is Joshua's last week of public school before Christmas break, but also before I start homeschooling. This reality has my stomach in knots. Doubt is plaguing me this afternoon and I want it gone. Jamie thinks I'll feel much better when Friday finally arrives. I hope he is right. After all, before this week, I was taking my next steps. Now, a new next step is here and I'm a bit shaken'. For the past two months I have dilegently researched curriculum, sought out encouragement, met and talked with a slew of homeschooling mommies, joined a support group, prayed non-stop, talked with Jamie, talked with Josh. I've taken so many forward steps to get myself to this place, and now my excitement seems replaced with fear. In my head and heart I know this is normal and temporary, but it stinks nonetheless. Walking in faith, for me, has been rewarding and inspiring, but also scary and uncertain. Jamie reminds me that I have never fared well with change. I can't even take a road trip to see family without feeling antsy and nervous. I've wrestled with letting go (control) for a good part of my life. It seems fitting that "let go" was my one word for the year, and as this year comes to an end, I'm determined more than ever to let go of my will and follow His. The tiny seed of homeschooling was planted in me years ago and although nervous, I'm excited to watch it grow.