The gift of Kidd

I used to loath all the dog hair I had to clean each day. These past two days though I've been searching for it. The smell of my old dog was unbearable to say the least and now I pick up his bed just to remember his smell. I miss Kidd so much. He passed away this past Sunday. Oddly enough though it is the gift my husband gave that has lingered more than any hair or smell.

In the last six months, Kidd's health had been declining. He'd been having frequent seizures and taking medication daily. This past Sunday, the seizures returned and it became clear to Jamie and I that he should not have to suffer like that anymore. Sparing the details, Jamie took Kidd to the emergency vet. Shortly after he'd left, I got a phone call from him, his voice clearly shaken on the other end telling me I needed to put the kids in the car and come to the hospital to say good-bye. Extremely uncomfortable and a bit reluctant, I listened knowing Jamie needed me. I walked inside and saw Kidd. I went to him crying, petting and kissing him softly. He was so beautiful, so soft, so still, so quiet, so right there with us. His presence was strong and gentle. He was okay. He was free from pain, from being afraid, from being old. It was like he was young again. All of our memories flooded me while I cried out loud. I knew exactly why Jamie called me. He knew I needed to see Kidd this way. He knew we needed to be together. The three of us. The same way we celebrated his young life, we were able to celebrate his later life. I cant explain the peace I felt knowing he was free. I didn't know it at that moment, but I now know he will always be with me. I still see him. I see his face propped up on our (his) leather chair, sleeping soundly. I hear him walking in the hallway. Each time I open the back door I'm reminded of the loop he would take around the picnic table. When I walk in the front door I see him lift his head. When the kids are playing outside, I see him laying close by. Every one of my thoughts involves Kidd. I didn't realize the presence he held in our everyday lives. Jamie and I have cared for him for 15 years. I know time will win. I know the sounds and sights will fade. I hate it, but I know its inevitable. I do know though that Kidd was one of a kind. Our first dog. And I loved him deeply. Good-bye Kiddo.